Beautiful Soul,
Have you ever noticed how a part of you can feel utterly alone…
Even when you are loved?
Even when someone is right beside you?
Even when another part of you knows that there are people who care?
Somewhere within, there may still be a little one who feels…
There is nobody here for me.
There is nowhere I can bring this.
If they knew what I really felt… would they still want me here?
And perhaps, somewhere along the way, you learnt to keep that part out of sight.
The hurt.
The need.
The anger.
The feelings that seemed too big, too inconvenient, too disturbing for the people around you.
You learnt to carry them privately.
To smile while something within you was breaking.
To understand everyone else while quietly swallowing what was happening inside you.
And over time, you may have become so accustomed to keeping these parts hidden…
That you no longer noticed how alone they have become.
The parts we hid to remain loved
We do not usually push parts of ourselves away without a reason.
Perhaps your anger threatened the peace.
Your sadness overwhelmed someone.
Your needs were met with irritation, withdrawal or silence.
Perhaps speaking honestly meant risking the connection you depended on.
So you learnt.
This part of me is not welcome.
This feeling causes trouble.
I can belong… as long as I keep this hidden.
And because belonging mattered so much, you found a way.
You became understanding.
Helpful.
Independent.
Easy to be around.
You learnt to hold back the tears, soften the truth, swallow the protest.
You may even have become very good at creating harmony around you.
While carrying an entire world within you that had nowhere to belong.
There was intelligence in this.
There was a longing to remain connected.
You were finding a way through something with the resources available to you.
But the part you hid did not stop feeling.
It remained within you… carrying what could not be shared.
When the loneliness moves inside
There is the loneliness of having nobody beside you.
And there is the loneliness of having something within you that you believe nobody could bear to meet.
A grief you keep editing.
A resentment you feel ashamed to admit.
A need you immediately explain away.
An anger you fear would make you unlovable.
You can be surrounded by people and still feel painfully isolated when so much of your experience has to remain outside the connection.
And sometimes, even when you are alone, the same exclusion continues within.
A feeling rises…
And another part immediately says:
Not this again.
We should be beyond this.
Please don’t ruin everything.
The part that once felt unwelcome with others now finds itself unwelcome within you too.
Its loneliness has followed it home.
The mind trying to hold it all together
This is where I so often witness the mind working incredibly hard.
Trying to understand the pain.
Explain it.
Manage it.
Find a solution before it becomes too much.
Rehearsing what happened. Anticipating what might happen. Searching for the right answer.
As though, if it can finally make sense of everything, we will be safe enough to rest.
In the way I experience this work, it can feel as though these parts are living within a closed mental world… surrounded by their own memories, interpretations and conclusions.
People cannot be trusted.
My feelings hurt others.
I have to manage this alone.
And within that world, those conclusions can feel like the whole truth.
The mind keeps circling what happened, while the part beneath it is still waiting to feel met.
So much understanding… and still so little company in the place that hurts.
The mind needs care here too.
It has been trying to carry what felt unbearable.
It may have taken responsibility for keeping an entire inner world from falling apart.
And beneath the silence… there may be anger
Sometimes the hidden part is crying.
Sometimes it is exhausted.
And sometimes…
It is furious.
Why was I treated that way?
Why did nobody listen?
Why did I have to understand everyone else?
Why am I still the one who has to disappear?
There may be anger about what happened.
And anger about all the years spent pretending it did not matter.
Anger about being denied, ignored, corrected or made responsible for everyone else’s comfort.
And now, perhaps, anger about being asked to become peaceful before its pain has even been heard.
This can be especially tender when you deeply value love, compassion and harmony.
You may feel that you should know better.
That you should be more understanding.
That the presence of resentment means you have somehow failed in your healing.
But can you feel what happens when a hurting part hears that?
Once again…
You are not allowed here as you are.
Come back when you are easier to love.
The peace that asks you to disappear
Some of us learnt to recognise peace as the moment nobody was upset.
Nobody was protesting.
Nobody was expressing anything that might disturb the connection.
But beneath that quiet, so much could remain unresolved.
And we can carry the same arrangement into our relationship with ourselves.
We welcome the loving parts.
The wise parts.
The grateful parts.
And quietly ask the others to stay out of the way.
Yet keeping them out takes effort.
We monitor ourselves.
Correct ourselves.
Feel ashamed when something slips through.
And the parts we keep pushing down may return with increasing urgency… through a sharp reaction, relentless thinking, withdrawal, or a feeling that suddenly seems to fill our whole world.
In those moments, it takes over and colours your entire experience from here...
Their pain leaves little room for anything else.
The attempt to keep them from disturbing our peace can become a continuous disturbance within us.
Something is always being held back.
Something is always waiting outside the door.
What if the anger could belong too?
Welcoming anger does not mean letting it decide how we treat another person.
We can take responsibility for our actions while making room for the truth of what we feel.
Yes… I am angry.
Yes… something hurt.
Yes… a part of me has had enough.
There is so much dignity in being able to acknowledge this without immediately turning against ourselves.
And there may be grief beneath the anger.
A boundary that was never honoured.
A voice that never had room.
A longing for someone to say…
I see what this cost you.
We do not have to know in advance what we will find.
We can begin by allowing the part to have an experience it may have missed for so long:
Being listened to without having to disappear.
Reconnecting what was pulled apart
This is why the work touches me so deeply.
We are meeting the places where connection became frightening.
Where the mind learnt to mistrust the heart.
Where softening felt dangerous, because there had been so little care available when it mattered.
Even the invitation to receive love can bring up a protest.
Where were you when I needed you?
Why would I trust this now?
That protest belongs in the meeting too.
We can honour the reasons a part closed itself away.
We can meet the feelings, the interpretations, the conclusions it has been living inside.
And gently… connection becomes possible in a place that had only known separation.
The mind does not have to manage everything alone.
The heart can make room for what once felt impossible to hold.
And the part that has been shouting may begin to discover that someone is finally listening... and... STAYING đź’›
Every part of you belongs to the whole
Perhaps today, simply notice which feeling you are quickest to hide.
The one you apologise for before you have even expressed it.
The one you judge yourself for having.
The one you wish would stop interrupting the person you are trying so hard to become.
And gently wonder…
How long has this part been carrying its experience alone?
There is no need to force an opening.
Even recognising its loneliness can be a tender beginning.
You may discover how much energy has gone into keeping yourself divided.
How much of your longing for peace has also been a longing to stop fighting what is here.
How deeply you have wanted to feel at home within yourself.
Harmony becomes possible when every part has a place in the whole.
Including the part that is still angry.
Including the part that cannot forgive yet.
Including the part that needs time before it trusts your love.
There is room to meet them.
There is room to listen.
There is room for you to be here… with more of your truth than you were once allowed to bring.
And perhaps the part you feared would disturb everything…
has been longing, all this time, to come home.
With so much love,
P.S. A few beautiful things coming closer…
One more free masterclass… for now 💛
I’m holding Sunday 1st November for our next gathering. As I may be travelling, it’s possible we’ll move to Sunday 8th November instead. So, if you’d love to join me for my last free masterclass for now… keep both Sundays in your heart and diary. I’ll confirm the date as soon as I can.
Pure Light Living is just around the corner…
If you have questions, hesitations or something you’d love to explore with me… please reach out. There is no must here. I’m listening with you for what feels true in your heart...
Your truth.
Your timing.
Your way.
That is at the very core of this nine-month journey… creating the space and support for you to recognise your truth, trust it, and let it guide the way you live.
I’m so excited for what we will discover and bring into being together 🙌🏼
*** And a little glimpse of what is taking shape behind the scenes… dedicated journeys into the collective and personal mother and father wounds, and mastering your connection with your Higher Self and intuition.
(Yess… if you’re joining Pure Light Living, these will of course be included in your portal as they unfold… more on those soon. ✨)
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