& The Grief Of Leaving False Belonging
Beautiful Soul,
Can we talk about something deeply real... and deeply human today?
The grief... Not the grief of losing someone through death... But the grief of slowly realising that many of the places you called home... never truly were.
& Why finding your true family can feel lonelier before it feels like coming home...
Perhaps you've been feeling it too. A strange loneliness. A longing you cannot quite explain yet feel really present. A deep sadness, lingering in the bottom of your heart. A feeling that something is ending... whilst something else has not yet arrived. And perhaps you've wondered...
"What's wrong with me or what am I doing wrong?"
... Nothing!
Sacred Transitions
You are standing in one of life's most sacred transitions.
Because one of the greatest heartbreaks we can experience is not losing the people, even if it feels that way. It is discovering that we lost ourselves trying not to lose them.
And what if we're not losing them... but losing the version of ourselves that kept those relationships alive?
Many of us spent our entire existance in this trance... believing love had conditions, belonging and acceptance had conditions...
Many of the ways we learned to relate were born from dependency rather than freedom.
Being who we thought we needed to be.
Making ourselves easier, smaller, kinder than we actually felt.
Quieter... More available... More understanding... More patient... More responsible and adaptable.
We analysed every room before entering it, anticipated everyone else's needs and we became masters at shapeshifting.
Not because we were false... But because somewhere, long ago, we learned that love required us to leave ourselves.. We learned that belonging required this sacrifice. That connection required adaptation. That being fully ourselves was simply not the way it worked... we believed with our entire being that the natural longing for staying connected, required slowly disconnecting from ourselves.
Not all at once... But in thousands of tiny moments. Moments where we didn't speak... Moments where we smiled instead of cried... Moments where we said "yes" whilst every cell whispered "no." Moments where we carried burdens that were never ours.
Over time those moments became an identity, one we believed was simply "who we are." Yet it was only ever who we needed to become in order to survive...
A System Of Conditional Love & False Belonging
And for a while... It worked. At least it seemed to. We had relationships... Families... Communities... People around us. An entire system has been built upon these ways of being.
Yet somewhere deep inside... Something remained profoundly alone.
We had no idea we were trying to build connection upon a foundation of separation. We didn't know another way existed. Not really aware of the dysfunction within these ways of relating... not yet awakened to the fact that we had become completely different in connection with others.
Because no matter how many people surrounded us... the real "us" had never actually been met. How could it? We had been taught to know our adaptations far better than our essence. We ourselves were no longer even remembering who that "us" truly was.
And this is exactly what I feel is being healed right now.
This is what I see arising in so many beautiful souls.
Not this way anymore...
But then how?
Perhaps the deepest loneliness is not the absence of people. Perhaps it is the absence of being truly seen... Truly welcomed... Truly valued...
The absence of feeling completely safe to be who we really are.
The Masks Feel Safer Than Your Heart's Voice
How do we belong without abandoning ourselves?
How do we stay connected without shapeshifting?
How do we meet one another without wearing the masks that once kept us safe?
Healing begins by asking these questions.
You stop abandoning yourself...
You stop pretending...
You stop managing everyone else's comfort...
You stop shrinking...
You stop chasing...
You begin listening to your own heart.
And then something unexpected happens.
Some relationships naturally deepen. Others quietly disappear. Not because anyone is wrong. But because they were built upon versions of you that no longer exist. Versions you no longer choose. Versions no longer led by the fear of loss.
This beautiful growth and expansion can feel devastating.
It can feel as though this new life... this new you... is taking everything away. As though you've lost your 'way'... Your place... Your people...
And in many ways... You have.
But not in the way you think. Because what is falling away is not love. It is the strategies you once used that you believed you needed to receive it. And now you find yourself standing in a space...
A tender...
Often painful...
Beautifully vulnerable threshold...
Where the old community has begun to dissolve... Yet the new one has not fully arrived. You might find yourself more and more alone in the environment you are in...
At this moment in time, there's this gap between the old and the new...
The vulnerable threshold where you do not yet know how to be your full, true self within the circle you live.
The masks feel safer than your heart's voice. A place where your heart has already begun to awaken... Yet your surroundings still know the older version of you. Where your truth is becoming louder... Yet your masks still feel safer.
Not because they are truer... But because they are familiar. There is a gap between the old and the new. A threshold where you are learning, perhaps for the very first time, how to be your full, true self whilst staying connected.
Not everyone will understand. Not everyone will come with you. And that can feel incredibly lonely. This loneliness isn't here to punish you or scare your... It is lovingly protecting the truth that is being born within you.
Because what is emerging now is not another version of you.
It is you.
Smoke & Mirrors
This is where the real shift begins. Because awakening to your truth is one thing... Living it is another.
Somewhere along the way, many of us inherited a profound illusion.
Not that we weren't enough.
Not that we were unworthy of love.
But that being fully ourselves would cost us everything.
Our family... Our relationships... Our community... place -> Safety & Love
And so, almost without noticing... Our fear of loss became greater than our devotion to truth.
- We stayed quiet.
- We stayed agreeable.
- We stayed familiar.
Not because we lacked courage... But because our nervous system believed that staying connected was essential for survival.
And so we wore the masks. Not to deceive... But to protect. Making it impossible to let go.
The greatest illusion was never the mask itself. It was believing the mask was the only way love could find us. That if we spoke our truth... If we honoured our hearts... If we stopped abandoning ourselves...
We would end up alone.
Perhaps this is why this threshold feels so incredibly vulnerable. You are no longer willing to betray yourself... Yet you have not fully experienced what true belonging feels like.
Not yet.
There is a space between the old and the new.
A tender...
Often lonely...
Beautiful threshold.
Not because life is punishing you. But because life is gently inviting you to discover a completely different way of relating. One where connection is no longer built upon self-abandonment... But upon truth.
Many people try to escape this place. They rush to find new people. New groups. New teachers. New relationships. Anything to fill the ache.
But what if this space is sacred? What if life is asking something completely different of us? Not to desperately search for belonging... But to become someone who no longer abandons themselves in order to receive it.
Because here's what I've been discovering... True family cannot meet the version of you that survives. It can only meet the one who is real. And that requires patience. Trust. Presence.
It asks us to stop forcing connections born from need... So that life can gently guide us toward relationships born from truth.
Rooted Before We Gather
And this is where everything changes. Without needing all the answers...
By allowing ourselves to explore truer questions.
Nature reminds me of this constantly... A tree never chases another tree. It never twists itself into becoming a pine because the oaks might reject it. It never questions whether it deserves a place within the forest. It simply grows into the fullness of what it is.
Its roots deepen...
Its trunk strengthens...
Its branches reach towards the light... And because it becomes more deeply itself... It naturally becomes part of a living forest.
Perhaps this is what we're learning too.
Not how to find our people... But how to become so deeply rooted within ourselves... That true community can finally find us.
Not as something we have to create through effort... But as a way of living that I believe we inherently know, yet one many of us have simply never explored...
Never experienced...
Never truly lived.
Perhaps this is the trust we are remembering. That life has never been asking us to earn belonging. Only to become available to it. Because we were never designed to do life alone. Our hearts long for touch. For laughter. For being truly witnessed. For shared meals. For tears that don't need explaining. For people who don't require us to become someone else before they can love us.
That longing isn't weakness. It is wisdom. It is our very nature.
But the path has changed. No longer through abandoning ourselves... But through finally coming home to ourselves.
Only from there can we truly meet another.
๐ Heart to heart.
๐๐ผ Truth to truth.
๐ณ Presence to presence.
Coming Together In Truth
And this... This is exactly what we are about to live together.
In just a few weeks, beautiful souls from the United States, Australia, the United Kingdom and across Europe will gather here in Portugal.
- To experience what it feels like to be met without needing a mask.
- An initiation into the truest foundation for living.
- To heal the ancient imprints that taught us we had to leave ourselves in order to belong.
- To behold what true connection feels like when no one needs to rescue... or perform... or become someone else...
- Not by trying harder... Not by finding better people... Not by becoming a better version of ourselves. But by remembering the truth that has never left us.
- Where your body can remember what it feels like to be deeply held.
- Where the Tree of Life becomes more than a symbol ๐ซถ๐ผ
Retreat Into Your Truth
What if, in every cell of your body... In every breath... In every part of your being... You could experience that you already are the harmony... The peace... The love... The belonging...
Not as a beautiful idea or as another spiritual concept. But as a living experience. One your body recognises and integrates, your nervous system finally trusts. One that becomes the new foundation from which you meet life. One that doesn't disappear when you return home...
But quietly continues to guide how you love...
How you choose...
How you relate...
How you lead...
And how you build your life from this moment forward.
There is just one place remaining.
โจ RETREAT INTO YOUR TRUTH
4โ9 August 2026 โข Portugal
๐ Learn more and reserve your place:
https://www.inpurelight.com/InPureLightRetreat
With all my love, light & truth
P.S.
๐ณ On 11 July, I'll be offering a FREE Tree of Life Transmission Masterclass, a powerful remembering of the support, harmony and belonging that have always been available to us.
๐ And in just 66 days, we'll begin the third cycle of Rise From Within a three-month online journey devoted to remembering your truth, your true nature and your truest way of living.
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