The grief that comes with awareness
Ow beautiful soul, let’s talk raw truth today…
Let’s face it head-on and stop avoiding the real facts.
When we rise, when we become aware, it isn’t always fun and definitely not easy at first.
There’s a tender, very rough patch of transition, and it’s intense, to say the least.
Because awareness doesn’t just show you what’s true…
it quietly removes the exits you used to take.
The old coping strategies start losing their sweetness.
The distractions don’t land the same.
The “I’m fine” mask starts feeling heavy on your skin.
The story you used to live inside… suddenly tastes like cardboard.
And this is where people get confused.
They think presence should feel peaceful straight away.
They think awakening should feel like relief.
They think self-awareness is an upgrade that makes life lighter.
But what often happens first… is grief.
Not dramatic grief. Not the kind you can point at, like a traumatic event causing it... but…
A quiet grief.
The grief of realising how often you used to leave yourself.
How often you swallowed what was true.
How often you performed strength while your body was begging for honesty.
How often you called silence “peace” when it was fear.
How often you chose comfort over truth… and then wondered why life felt dull.
And where it gets really tough is moving through that deeper layer; the one your senses label as “boring” - because it doesn’t give you the old hit of stimulation, the one that fed the addiction to avoidance. It just asks you to stay.
And here’s the brutal tenderness of it:
Sometimes awareness doesn’t instantly change your behaviour.
It just makes you conscious while it’s happening.
You catch yourself mid-pattern.
Mid-softening.
Mid-avoidance.
Mid-people-pleasing.
Mid-excuse.
And you feel the split 🤯
One part of you still reaching for the familiar…
and another part of you watching, saying:
“Beloved… we’re not doing this anymore.”
That’s the transition.
That’s the rough patch.
Because you can’t go back to sleep, but you also don’t yet know how to live fully awake.
And yes… that can feel lonely. It’s like standing in the middle of a hurricane by yourself… you want it, but you don’t want it…
Because when you’re aware, you don’t get the same relief from being reactive.
You don’t get to explode and feel righteous.
You don’t get to disappear without noticing the cost.
You don’t get to blame life and feel clean inside afterwards.
You start seeing the fear underneath behaviour: yours and others’
You start sensing the pain behind the sharp edges
You start understanding… even when it hurts
And understanding can make you carry more than you should.
It can make you excuse what shouldn’t be excused.
It can make you stay longer than your soul actually wants.
So let me say this clearly:
Awareness isn’t here to make you “nice”.
It’s here to make you true.
And truth has consequences.
Truth will ruin the version of you who survived by pretending.
Truth will dismantle the image you hid inside.
Truth will expose the “easy way” as a trap.
Because comfort is expensive.
It looks easy in the moment… but the bill always comes due.
It shows up as numbness.
As tightness in the chest.
As a low-grade anxiety with no clear reason.
As that quiet feeling: “Something in me is not fully living.”
And whether you like it or not, you take this out into the world; because you blame them, the situation, the system, the threats… (your triggers).
Because the moment you choose the easy way of ignorance, you hand your power away.
And that’s because the root of suffering is not pain itself…
it’s disconnection from your truth.
Not being aware of your truth means not knowing your power.
Not being rooted in your truth means you can’t trust your yes.
You can’t trust your no.
You can’t create from essence... only from protection.
So if you’re in that tender rough patch right now… please hear me:
You are not doing it wrong.
And if you fall back into old comfort, you’re not “bad at this”.
You’re just not fully done believing the lie yet.
And that’s okay.
Because you have choice.
You are allowed to choose comfort.
You are allowed to choose the lie.
But let me be even more honest:
This lie is not harmless.
It’s not “just your pattern”.
This lie isn’t usually chosen, it’s a spell. The illusion of comfort pulls us under, quietly, convincingly, until we forget what truth even feels like.
And that is why the world is suffering for real: when people don’t realise they’ve lost their truth, they live through avoidance, projection, cruelty and unconscious harm.
The inner war becomes the outer war.
And we stay stuck when we keep blaming the outer war for the inner war.
Not because people are evil.
Not because they are weak.
Not because they are “broken”.
But because people are disconnected.
And one day… you’ll feel it clearly enough that you won’t be able to deny it.
And then you’ll choose truth, not because you should,
but because you’re ready.
Because it rises from within...
You are the miracle you’ve been searching for.
You have everything it takes.
This is what it feels like when the nervous system is rewiring.
When the soul is taking the lead.
When your True Self is asking for integrity.
And I’m going to offer another line that might sting: but it’s medicine:
Stop calling it peace if you’re silencing yourself.
Stop calling it love if you’re abandoning your truth.
Stop calling it alignment if you’re performing your healing.
Stop calling it “just who I am” if it’s fear in a costume.
Presence will ruin your old life…
because your old life was built around leaving yourself.
And what comes after the grief?
A new kind of power.
Not loud power.
Not forcing.
Not proving.
The power of being internally undivided.
The power of meaning what you say.
The power of standing in your own frequency without shrinking.
The power of living in a way that doesn’t create a hangover in your body afterwards.
That’s what awareness is actually for.
Not to make you perfect.
But to make you whole.
And here is the medicine for the world:
When you return to alignment... when you live from truth... you rise above the fear-chaos that keeps the collective numb.
Not by fighting it. But by becoming undeniably present. The Divine Balance!
There is a shift in consciousness that happens when you stop feeding the lie. You see what’s been running the world: reactivity, disconnection, projection, unprocessed pain.
And you realise something sacred:
You can neutralise harm without becoming harm.
You can hold love without collapsing.
You can release attachment to false stories and stand as a living frequency of truth.
And this… dismantles the old spell.
The spell that says: “Stay small. Stay distracted. Stay divided. Stay afraid.”
Presence breaks the trance.
Truth dissolves the fog.
And wholeness becomes contagious.
With love,
Ineke đź’›
P.S. When you return to truth, you are no longer part of the machine that keeps humanity asleep. Not because you’re better, but you’re awake.
You stop feeding fear with your attention.
You stop feeding distraction with your life force.
You stop feeding the lie with your silence.
And in that moment, your presence becomes medicine.
If you feel this, come join my free healing call this Sunday: a live space to return to your truth and unlock what’s already inside you:
https://www.inpurelight.com/unlock-your-light-registration
And if you’re truly ready for the transformation from the old life into truth: in body, mind and soul... my upcoming retreat is that:
https://www.inpurelight.com/retreatintoyourtruthsoon
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